The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize