thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
