pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
