I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
