He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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