The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
