Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
