I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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