just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I look better un-naked...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
