Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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