my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
