Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
