did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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