i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
