Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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