at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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