tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize