I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
