if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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