I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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