i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
