I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
