i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
