Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
