Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
