I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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