I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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