i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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