Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
