Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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