He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i came on her dog
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
