Even the bartender felt bad for me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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