Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
