I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
