I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
