wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
now i know why i became what i already was.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
