dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
one two three fourrrrnication!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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