my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
