i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
