Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
