Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
