You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
