yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
