He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
