I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
