i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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