I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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