it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
nutella sex= disaster
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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