Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So much rum. So many feels.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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