i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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