I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
