I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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