Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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