He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
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