By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
