I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
