you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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