so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
