Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
