we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
