how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
