I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
