I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I bet he comes in French.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
