I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
