making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
