so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
