I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
