Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
